Just breathe
2008 has been a little stressful...medically, emotionally, and hey, let's not forget about the economy, politics, and the environment. Geez. Throw in some existential angst and you've got one hot mess. Like any self-respecting music lover of my era and ilk, I turned to The Cure, The Smiths, Nine Inch Nails, etc. for some aural comfort; then I got a grip and gave a big, wet kiss to my new friend, Zoloft. I've always been able to handle anything that came my way, so it was excruciating to admit I needed some help. Stupid? Yes. Freakishly uncommon? Probably not. I'm 'fessing up here in case it's helpful to anyone else tottering along on a tightrope.
So, fast forward to three weeks ago. During a pneumonia-related x-ray, a mass was discovered in my mother's lungs. A bronchioscopy/biopsy the Monday after Thanksgiving revealed that she has small cell lung cancer (SCLC). Two days later she acquired a constant companion, oxygen. Two days after that, two lobes of her right lung collapsed and the third was trying to do so; the trauma of the collapse and ensuing difficulty breathing resulted in five days of hospital pampering. During this time she was stablized, got lots of IV goodness, had more tests, and started chemo and radiation treatments to shrink and slow the disease.
Suddenly the details described in the first paragraph seemed a lot less...well, just less.
My family is quite small and somewhat scattered (St. Louis/Chicago/Park City, UT; mom, uncle, aunt in central Illinois) so it's been an exercise in logistics management to ensure that all of my mom's needs are met. Fortunately she has a large support system of really good friends as well...they've been amazing. Happily, Mom is out of the hospital, the side effects from the first cycle of chemo have gone away and the daily radiation treatment doesn't seem to have had any negative side effects. The lung lobes are still collapsed but the pain is gone. She's eating - never a regular activity for her - and even gained two pounds; 21 more and she'll be up to her fighting weight of 118.
I share all of this with you for a couple of reasons:
1. Some of you know my mom and would want to know.
2. Some of you are probably wondering why I haven't been myself.
3. To apologize in advance for not being as available for the forseeable future.
4. To ask for your support -- particularly on the many road trips, I may call to stay awake. (Thanks, Mom, for putting me to sleep with car rides as a baby. Grrrr.)
5. To beg you not to smoke. If you do - and want to quit - Chantix worked for my mom, just not soon enough. Don't wait.
There are some funny moments in all of this, and I promise to share in the future. For now I just wanted to fill you in and invite you to send some positive energy my mom's way. In the meantime, I leave you with a photo of her rocking some polyester duds, circa 1973 or 1974. Now that's funny!
First - Great pic!
As much as I always look forward to your blog posts I sure am sorry for the news conveyed in this one. Our family is currently dealing with the same situation. Of course I will keep you and your family in my thoughts (and prayers) - and feel free to put me on the "call and stay awake list"
Kudos on the stop smoking call -- it is so maddening for me to see young people still smoking after all we know. My Dad quit several years ago (www.whyquit.com) but my Mom, even with all the bad news still puffs away...I have added two friends to the "quit list" this year however and both of them have crossed the 6 month point. So, yes, there it IS worth reminding people....like *all* the time!
Wait....2 wunderdogs? OK, I really have to pay more attention! I got to wonder how the OWD (Orignal wonder dog) is taking the new companionship!
---J
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So good to see you last night. I didn't get a chance to talk about the stuff you're dealing with. You have really inspired me to drop the cancer sticks completely in 09. Even though I don't smoke regularly, even the girls nights smoking is the final frontier I need to tackle and I hope it creates a trend with everyone.
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Thanks for the blog update! What a good way to keep folks up-to-date with what's going on with you and yours. I'm proud of you for having the courage to face your vulnerabilities. It takes humility and I'm glad you were able to find a way to help yourself through some difficult bumps in the road.
A great book: Eat, Pray and Love. I highly recommend it for its quality writing, humor, honesty and realistic perspective on some of the challenges we face as 30-something-year-old women in the 21st Century. The author's journey is interesting and, while she had a unique experience in her travels, her quest to "find herself" is not unlike the journey we're all on when we muster the courage to do some introspection and self-discovery.
Thanks again for your words, which are so valuable and cherished!
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Hey Lars~
Just wanted to let you know that your are in my thoughts this Christmas as I know it may be tough without your mom here in here earthly body, but you know she is always with you. I cherish my parents more every day, especially since so many of my dear friends have lost theirs. I hope this doesn't bum you out. I just wanted to let you know I love ya
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Thanks for the update. I have been praying for you and your family since our brief conversation last week. Believe it or not, I have been smoke free for 2 weeks now. We all need a little help to get through the difficult times in our life - family, friends, sometimes medication. I've been there myself. I'm here anytime you need me.
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Tammy -- Thanks for the update. So sorry to hear this about you mom. I will think good thoughts and even do some pray-thing for her.
Good call on the stop-smoking thing -- and it's good to see that some people seem to be heeding it, even.
On the lighter side, please consider this your Christmas card. (I hope to hell that HTML is enabled in these comments or else that will look like a big mess.)
Let me know if I can do anything. You can at least put me on your roster of people to call so you can stay awake on the road.
You take care.
-- Steve
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This is a beautiful picture of your mama. I send many prayers and good thoughts your and her way. I know you guys have a tough road ahead and for that I am sorry. I too suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety due mainly to my chronic pain health issues, and it took me a long time to admit it and seek help. Sometimes I have to literally take life minute by minute and hour by hour until the light appears again. It's good to talk about it and I'm glad you shared
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Tammy --
I know this has been an incredibly hard time for all you guys. Mom and I are both thinking about y'all and we love you.
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Hey Tammy I had no idea you mom was going through some issues.. I'm hear for you if you need anthing..I've been going through some things with my mom but not like this. Makes me rethink things. love you. I'm here if you need me.
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